~ 7 min

Finding New Ways to Lose With Nebraska - Week Zero Edition

On this week's episode of Finding New Ways to Lose football games: Puking, Keeping the Ball Away From Playmakers 101, and the ol YOLOnside kick

Husker fans: you know exactly what I’m talking about. Nebraska just scored to retake the lead for the final time in the second half and they are about to kick off. Your heart begins to sink as a red shirt transfer Freshman stands behind the center to take a shotgun snap with full confidence in his demeanor. You crack another soda/beer/tea and sigh as you prepare for full meltdown mode.

Same Story, New Season

I didn’t want to preview the Huskers football season, simply because it would be a waste of time. I could have already told you that we would come out make the fans feel really good with a couple dominating drives. Then it happens - a fumble with the knee down and the onside kick and it was off to the races from the.

Luckily I’ve detached myself emotionally (for the most part) when it comes to Nebraska football and I urge anyone out there who is letting their weekends get ruined by this team. You don’t have to take it personal anymore - it’s ok, most of us are ready to end this cordially and try something new out.

Scott Frost will always be a Nebraska Legend. Unfortunately, I don’t think he is meant to be the leader of a “machine” as I like to call it. I really thought this would be the solution to Nebraska football four years ago - now I’m certain it has just got to end.

Hopefully its done as respectfully as possible. I’m going to show you with some statistics and trends, exactly why losing like this is so predictable.

Let’s Jump Into The Game

[Top]

Box Score

NorthwesternWildcats vs.
Nebraska Cornhuskers
Kickoff 12:34 P.M. EST - Dublin, Ireland Fox Sports

TeamsQ1Q2Q3Q4
Nebraska Cornhuskers77140
Northwestern Wildcats31477

First Quarter

NEB: Isaiah Garcia-Castaneda 32 pass from Casey Thompson (Timmy Bleekrode kick) 12:41

So I actually completely missed this entire drive = the best part of the game! I was trying to get my “streaming service” going until I realized that I had purchased Hulu without streaming services. They wanted me to pay another $70 to get it started and I spent that whole first series angrily searching for any free trial that would let me watch the game. Maybe things did change?

NOR: Adam Stage 35 field goal, 2:13

Ok nope. I’ve seen this story before already. Our linebackers look slow, the defensive line has no push, and Northwestern is just sliding players back and forth for easy to complete passes and then getting more yards down field after they catch the ball. They aren’t making it look very ahrd at tall. This is the classic beat Nebraska strategy by just playing fundamental football.

Second Quarter

NEB: Thompson 1 run (Bleekrode kick) 11:59

So can somebody explain to me what the value in the offensive linemen have been puking so hard every practice? Like are they that out of shape that they throw up when they have to play hard? It sure looked like that was the case on this series. Had it not been for an untimely facemask by Northwestern, I don’t think we would have scored here.

Even the %&@#ing touchdown was barely a score! When you watch that series on the one yard line - one thing stood out to me - our linemen all stood straight up on every play as soon as we snapped the ball! That is the most fundamental football thing you should know - LOW MAN WINS! WHY ARE WE STANDING UP AS SOON AS SNAP THE BALL!

NOR: Raymond Niro 43 pass from Ryan Hilinski (Stage kick) 10:58

This really worries me that things could get ugly. Northwestern doesn’t even take a minute to respond and the arm tackling squad is out in full force now.

NOR: Donny Navarro 6 pass from Hilinski (Stage kick) 0:25

Nebraska was marching down the field and then fumbles away the ball and looked like it should have been reversed and ruled not a fumble. Irregardless of that call, Northwwestern pounds it into Nebraska territory and finishes off the second half with a demoralizing touchdown to end the first half for Nebraska.

Third quarter

NEB: Anthony Grant 2 run (Bleekrode kick) 9:37

Umm we’ve seen this story before…

NEB: Grant 46 run (Bleekrode kick) 9:09

Oh no… why couldn’t you have scored with no time left?

NOR: Cam Porter 3 run (Stage kick) 7:53

AN ONSIDE KICK! ARE YOU KIDDING ME? HAHAHA WE DID FIND A NEW WAY TO LOSE! OMG NO WAY!

Fourth quarter

NOR: Evan Hull 4 run (Stage kick) 11:34

Thank you Northwestern, thank you for ending it.

Nebraska FIRST DOWNS …24 RUSHING …4 PASSING …16 PENALTY …4 RUSHES-NET YDS … 31-111 NET YARDS PASSING …355 COMP-ATT-INT … 25-42-2 TOTAL OFFENSE … 73-466 FUMBLE-LOST …1-1 PENALIZED-YARDS … 1-5 PUNTS-AVERAGE … 6-283 PUNT RETURNS-YDS … 0-0 K.O. RETURNS-YDS … 3-62 INTERCEPTIONS-YDS … 0-0 POSSESSION TIME … 25:48 THIRD-DOWN CONV. … 9-16 FOURTH-DOWN CONV. … 0-0 RED ZONE SCORES … 2-2 SACKS BY-YARDS … 0-0

Northwestern FIRST DOWNS …26 RUSHING …12 PASSING …14 PENALTY …0 RUSHES-NET YDS …47-214 NET YARDS PASSING …313 COMP-ATT-INT … 27-38-0 TOTAL OFFENSE … 85-527 FUMBLE-LOST …1-1 PENALIZED-YARDS … 8-65 PUNTS-AVERAGE … 6-245 PUNT RETURNS-YDS … 0-0 K.O. RETURNS-YDS … 1-18 INTERCEPTIONS-YDS … 2-34 POSSESSION TIME … 34:12 THIRD-DOWN CONV. … 7-17 FOURTH-DOWN CONV. … 1-1 RED ZONE SCORES … 4-5 SACKS BY-YARDS … 2-19

RUSHING
NEB: Grant 19-101, Palmer 2-8, Allen 3-7, Smothers 1-7, Yant 3-5, Thompson 3-minus-18.

NOR: Hull 22-119, Porter 19-94, Clair 1-6, Hilinski 2-3, TEAM 3-minus-8.

PASSING
NEB: Thompson 25-42-2 355.

NOR: Milinski 27-38-0 314

RECEIVING
NEB: Garcia-Castaneda 4-120, Palmer 8-68, Vokolek 5-63, Brown 3-32, Belt 2-29, Washington 2-27, Grant 1-16.

NOR: Washington 8-97, Hull 5-55, Niro 1-41, Gordon 2-39, Tyus 1-34, Navarro 4-29, Kirtz 4-12, Porter 1-5, Gill 1-2.

Final Diagnosis

Not Good. At all.

I don’t have much to say about this program right now. Until they want to start taking themselves seriously and stop making it embarassing to wear Husker gear, I don’t know how much more I want to affiliate with such a toxic, downward spiraling, and really just an upsetting team to follow.

Quit trying to distract us with all these “exciting headlines” like “New coordinators, new Nebraska!”, because it’s not fooling anybody. Nothing says it better than this scathing take from Paul Finebaum, who basically pulverized Nebraska’s remaining pride into smithereens with this video statement:

“Well, I think this has been going on for some time. I think you can make the argument that Nebraska hasn’t gone so wrong — they’ve simply become irrelevant,” said Finebaum. “The big move did not help them. I thought it was an interesting move when it happened. We were all excited about those first couple of games. You understand that, you do a lot of Big Ten games, but their national brand has shrunk as others have increased. It’s just no big deal anymore. OK, so and so is playing Nebraska — well, big deal. We’ve seen that. Programs come and go. I think another one like that, that needs to make sure it starts winning again is Florida State. These, Nebraska, Florida State — Tennessee has been in that group as well, but with some change it looks like Tennessee is now back on the national radar.

“Ultimately, you keep making bad decisions and you just simply shrink into oblivion, and I think that’s where Nebraska is. It doesn’t have a real great geographical base, and I think it’s been victimized by the Big Ten move not going very well.”

#Ouch